The Emotional Intelligence of Envy

ByCindy M. Nelson, M.B.A., C.S.L.C.

The Emotional Intelligence of Envy

emotional intelligence envy

The feeling of Envy is a motivational feeling, and its purpose is to give you the energy to make a change. If you don’t feel and “use” the energy behind the feeling of envy, you’ll become stuck and remain jealous of what other people have. Here is an example…

I personally like the look of Audi cars, especially the sport sedans. Every time I see one on the road, I feel a tinge of envy inside. The purpose of my feeling of envy is to get my attention to let me know that I feel positively towards that car and that I’d really like to be driving it. I have two choices at this point. The first is to use the energy created by my feeling of envy and figure out what it’s going to take to be able to drive that car. To start, I need to research how much that car would cost. The Audi S6 Sport Sedan starts at $70,900. Next, I need to figure out what the monthly payment would be. If I get 72-month financing at 0% interest, my monthly payment would be about $985. Now, I need to figure out if I can afford that or not. If I can’t, then I need to make a plan of how and when I can afford that payment, if that’s what I still want to do. If I decide that the payment is not something I want to undertake, then I learned that the Audi S6 Sport Sedan is not something that I can afford, and I maturely decide that I do not wish to dedicate that much of my monthly income to that car payment.

This is the purpose of the feeling of envy… to give me the energy and motivation to pursue something that I want. My second choice is to block my feeling of envy and the energy associated with it. Then my inner dialogue would be something like this… “Oh, man! I LOVE that car. That lucky bastard! I could never afford a car like that. I bet his life is so much better than mine. I’ll never have anything that nice in my life.” The emotional block that goes with this inner dialogue is jealousy. Jealousy is a sign that you are not utilizing the healthy, motivational feeling of envy.

The next time I see someone driving the Audi S6, I’ll say to myself, “Well, I could be driving that car if I wanted to. I’d have to make lots of sacrifices in other areas of my life, but I could afford it. I choose not to because I don’t want to spend that much every month on a car payment. I’ll just enjoy the look of the car. I feel good about my life and the decisions I make.” I’m now back in harmony and feel good.

That is emotional maturity which is achieved through increasing my emotional intelligence. Next week, we will explore the feeling of Embarrassment. What good could possibly come from that emotion? Stay tuned…

This blog post was provided by Cindy M. Nelson, M.B.A., C.S.L.C. from Anakh Leadership Coaching LLC. We specialize in developing business leaders and professionals by increasing their self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and overall effectiveness thereby increasing professional success and personal satisfaction in their lives. For more information, please go to

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About the author

Cindy M. Nelson, M.B.A., C.S.L.C. administrator

As a Certified Spiritual Life Coach, I specialize in emotional and social intelligence coaching for business leaders and key managers to increase effectiveness and overall satisfaction in both business and personal arenas. I provide one-on-one coaching in person or over the phone.